This week has been confusing and terrible. Everything just went to crap at once - confronting money with my grandmother, processing my visit with her and my mom, having the HIDA scan to check my gallbladder (function is only mildly low but they recommend meeting with a surgeon), finding out that my grandmother paid her usual annual amount into my retirement even knowing I'd sucked the rest nearly dry, finding out that she probably did not tell my mother because I think my mother would have wigged out on me. We had a not-official-Drama-Club Community College "table reading" (there was no table) of a script written by a faculty member. I told them not to use these cafe chairs because sitting without my back and feet supported still leaves me in a lot of pain. They used the cafe chairs anyway.
So I was fragile and frazzled and worried about everything at once, and suddenly in a great deal of pain, too. I found myself about to pop a cork at theater friends and say things I would've meant but that shouldn't be said. I was raw and everything was too loud, too fast, too much. I shut down for a few days.
There was more leading into that, but I suppose that's the gist of it. If I continued to speak to people, I was going to gut them. So I briefly explained that I was not feeling well and not being rational and needed to step away for a few days.
CB and SO have called off the physical relationship without much of an explanation. They both say it is something between them and nothing I have done, so I need to accept that and try not to second guess it too much. We haven't all had time together to work through what we want out of the new "friends who happened to have sex a few times" territory, but it seems like we will be able to do it. I'm a little sad since she is leaving for CO in only a few weeks - I kind of pictured acting like bunnies since we all know it is a short-term option. Ah, well.
I am not eating well. I have lost 10 pounds, 12 if you believe today's number, which I don't really. But I adulted and got my oil changed and tires rotated in the new car today so I don't murder my brand new car or void the warrantee. I got my hair cut with the only stylist in the last 5 years or so that has not made me wish I were bald or had just cut it myself (I do an ok job, and frankly better than some of the hack jobs I've had lately). I'm being more responsible with my money and have even placed a stripe of bright red tape on all credit/debit cards as a "red flag" to remind me to think twice before using. I'm struggling with low energy levels because of the digestive problems and ED playing into each other, but I'm still managing to do physical therapy stretches and exercises every few days. Every day would be better, but nothing would be unimaginably worse.
I had 6 purchases on my FB art clearance, and a 7th that was through Etsy and I offered them the buy one get two anyway. I paid another dollar to advertise today and got a few clicks, but no sales. I will probably slow down on pushing art for a few weeks while all the theater friends try to cram in as much fun with CB and SO as we can before everyone starts parting ways. On the potential agenda for only two weeks we have a Joss Whedon trivia night at a pub, My Fair Lady at local dinner theater, finishing/continuing tonight's Dungeons & Dragons game, and a night where we all just get crazy drunk and goof around, and possibly making one of those events (probably getting drunk and goofing around) into a birthday party for SO. I'm going to be so tired by the time May comes...
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