Butterflies in my Stomach

I have had tummy trouble for a solid (FOUR. Because I've it's 2017) years now. The idiot physician's assistant slapped the label GERD on it (despite not having, you know, reflux) then a year later they said it was an h. Pylori infection, but when treatment only provided a temporary reduction in symptoms they continued the "maybe you'll need to be on antacids for the rest of your life" line without looking too deeply into it.

I saw a gastroenterologist in January, and he started with a gallbladder ultrasound (didn't show any stones) and a blood test for Celiac (negative). The next step, if they ever call me again, is setting up an endoscopy so they can go poking around in my esophagus, stomach, and small intestine to look for problems and take a more accurate sample to test for h. Pylori.

I've had new and worse symptoms this year, but it really came to a head when I could no longer drink Diet Coke.

I live on Diet Coke.

I couldn't get the air back out, which was giving me dry heaves.

I tried continuing anyway, just cutting back over the course of about a week. Finally this week I gave up on it altogether, even the measly little can of Vanilla Zero in the mornings was torture.

My stomach has also decided to rebel at random as-yet-unidentified foods which were never a problem in the past. Including at work. I left early on Thursday because I was worried that I was going to refund my Spaghetti-Os (don't judge, they're cheap, an with meatballs and parmesan they're tasty, too) into a trash can.

So I haven't eaten much this week.

I needed a catalyst; I guess this was it. A few minutes ago I stepped on my own scale for the first time this year. It was 7 pounds less than the number on the gastroenterologist's scale a few weeks ago, and 4 pounds less than the last time I checked at home. I am pleased.

Dinner with CB and SO was nice. We'd established beforehand that I couldn't drink or stay up too late (I have to be up at 6 for work) so I figured when I made plans that we would probably just be talking.

We had dinner and talked. Got to know each other a little more. It was several hours before we even brought up the idea of friendly touching. We felt out boundaries, motivations, goals, ideas.

Everyone has been tested for infections, we will be using multiple contraceptive methods, we have outlined a few "I'm not down for that"s, we are going to take it slow. All parties are in agreement that it's not good to go in with a mission to have sex at a particular date and time. If you plan that way, the night is a failure if nothing (or not much) happens, and that just does not set the mood. We'll just hang out and get more comfortable with each other and see what happens.

This could be seen as reckless behavior in a sense. But it's also very thought out and calculated. We're being safe, we're being open about consent, we've all agreed that the friendships come first. We're not going to prioritize this over the group of friends we've been meeting with regularly, and we've all agreed that we're not ashamed of what we're planning and will be ok if (when, really... SO shares a lot when she's drunk) word gets out. None of us are casual about sex. I said I don't need to be romantically involved right now, but what I need is trust, and that doesn't come easily. CB said he doesn't need to be romantically involved, but he does want to know the person and care about them. SO is much less direct about communication, but her main roadblock is insecurity. She asked me "Why US?" and said what she really felt was "Why ME?"

I said because  I find them BOTH attractive and like them as people and I knew they were both interested in experimenting and I never in my lifetime thought that I would encounter people that I actually WANTED to try this with and I was ok with being shot down but I would regret not asking them and never knowing.

We tried to plan a group night (barbeque and zombie comedies) this weekend with the whole theater crowd, but no one else has RSVPed so it may just be the three of us again.