Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Shifting Sand

I'm stretching myself in strange, uncomfortable but satisfying ways.

I have an associate's degree in nursing, the minimum required to obtain my license as a Registered Nurse. On July 1 I started a web-based BSN program. Not because I really want to, but it is necessary for career mobility. I hope it will be a good thing.

July also marked my return to physical therapy and a full dedication to regaining my strength. I am not pain-free, but pain is mild and manageable, and after just over a month I have seen enormous improvement in my physical ability.

That same month I introduced myself to a couple and very unexpectedly really hit it off.

The sad thing with Anthony and Ophelia is that we handled the sex thing pretty well, it was a night where I discovered a fundamental difference in how we define and value consent because of what she allowed someone else to do in their home... that was after the physical part ended, and that was the beginning of the end. I'm sad, but it doesn't hurt anymore. Anthony isn't really in touch and I didn't expect him to be, and gone are the days when I'll put more of myself into a friendship than someone else is willing. We play Words With Friends on occasion.


Regardless, I want to come away from that hurt smarter and stronger, and I believe I have. And I'm exploring what I want in new ways.

I have not seen anyone else from Drama Club since Anthony moved. I hate that they are all flaky introverts and our friendship is pretty much digital now... but will hopefully get to see most of them at a planned art night the weekend after the eclipse. A darling whom I shall call Cricket is hosting. Cricket was involved in several theater shenanigans and has always been lovely, but a little more peripheral to my serious friendships that have been mentioned here.

Cricket is young, a kind and lovely soul, an art major. We are going to do an art sales booth together at a downtown Halloween festival after-party in October - her paintings, my clay things.

I pick up my mom from Up North then head to Tornado Alley this weekend to see the total solar eclipse on Monday with Bro & Mrs. Bro at their place, then make the return journey during the week. I'm not sure exactly how good or bad this family visit might be... Sis in law targeted me during one of her apparently monthly disconnects with reality, shortly after Ophelia lost her crackers at me for the last time, and I have a small tolerance for baloney right now. We shall see.


4 comments:

  1. i hope the program will be good for you too. either way, i know you can do it. you're a warrior. <3

    i am so so glad that the pain is becoming so manageable. it's killed me to read those posts where you couldn't even walk without the pain, or how bad the pain had been. i just hate how it's just seemed to sprung out of nowhere. if it feels out of nowhere for me, i don't even want to begin to know how you must feel - but look at you! charging on full speed ahead... wow, madame.

    "gone are the days when I'll put more of myself into a friendship than someone else is willing" same for me. my current best uni friend, Lee Jordan on the blog, actually spent years trying to break my shell. really!

    oh God, please tell me that delicious photo is you. cause it's delicious. i'm enamoured.

    it sounds like you've really been living it up. honestly, i love that you are, but i'd still wish you'd post here more often (though i believe the same could be said for me. ;) but still!). i'm not sure about this family visit either. the family is such a grey area. i feel like this could be either one of the worst or best family visits, and honestly, i never know it's gonna swing.

    i love love love you.

    please take care of yourself. you deserve that much.


    - Sam Lupin

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  2. comment reply:

    yes, Ben and Jerry's and their (chocolate) therapy. :)

    i didn't even know the solar eclipse was a thing until i looked up Instagram at the end of the night when it already happened. oops.

    i conveniently am going to write a Lee Jordan post soon. ;)



    - Sam Lupin

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  3. Aaaah love the picture. You are beautiful. I am so proud of you and both about the program and your self worth <3
    take care love you are amazing
    xx

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  4. comment reply:

    hey there, my love.

    don't worry so much about me. <3 i was just having a hard few days but now, i'm okay. i'm feeling really optimistic about everything. i just wanted to keep it documented in diary format so i know that it happened xxx :)

    i think you're amazing. and i appreciate your love for me and your concern.

    i love you so much i hope you have a wonderful week, wonderful girl. :)




    - Sam Lupin

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